Let’s be honest. No one likes rejection….duh. The problem is some of us deal with it worse than others. A lot worse. My first encounter with rejecting a person was when I was a preteen walking down the street to the corner store probably to buy 25 cent chips and a $1 Arizona Iced tea. (Feel old yet?). A car pulled up beside me, spit some 90’s game and I was confused. No one had ever tried to “talk to me” before. Apparently, from what I could make out, my hips were appealing to the eye of this 17 year old. My response was something along the lines of the truth which was “I’m not interested” and I got cursed out. Pretty sure I came close to tears being called a “stuck up bitch” at the tender age of 12. Unfortunately that was the first of many encounters with individuals who did not agree with my decision to pass on their advancements and I know I am not alone in this.
Guys, how many times has an extremely confident women walked past your boys to walk straight up to you and shoot their shot. However, she’s not even remotely your type and now you’re stuck like a deer in headlights. You can’t think of anything else to say aside from a polite chuckle and “you crazy shorty”. (Do people still say shorty?).
And ladies, sound familiar? ”Aye yo shorty (I guess they do still say shorty.) in the red pants! You gotta man?”
Even at damn-near-30, it seems that men and women are approached by people they aren’t interested in and in ways that aren’t even the least bit appealing. Then, we have to figure out a response that will avoid making a scene but still get the point across without having to get an Oscar nomination for acting like you’re putting a number in your phone. So the real question is, male or female, what is the best way to turn somebody down without being the bad guy?What is the best way to turn somebody down without being the bad guy? Click To Tweet
Let’s take a look at the options for women.
1.) Exchange Social media instead.
I’m guilty of this deflection. Instead of giving out your personal phone number or email address, simply suggest you exchange social media instead. For me that would be my Instagram (Queenme88) vs my Facebook which my family and coworkers tend to follow me on as well. Let them follow you, follow them back, and then two weeks later after you forget who they even are, delete them once they post that random selfie on your timeline. No hurt feels. Well, unless they have the unfollow app.
2.) Imaginary significant other.
Look. I have had a man for 7 years. I technically should be married with a baby on the way if things work out the way they should with my imaginary man. At the end of the day, if you’re really in rush, or you can see the strong desire and persistence in their eyes….just keep it moving with the “I’m headed to meet my boo” line and live your life.
3.) The polite let down.
I must admit. This used to be my thing. I understand how much confidence it takes to walk up to a person and initiate a conversation when you have no clue if the other person is interested. So, I feel like the least I can do is politely tell you I’m not interested. “I’m so flattered, but I’m okay. Thank you for the compliment though.” The correct response is “Okay, Babygirl, have a great day.” This works….50% of the time. Especially in the south. The other 50% of the time you have to have a 12 min conversation about why you aren’t interested and what he could do to change your mind. Remember, guys love a challenge. So you’ve been warned.
4.) Instant Lesbian.
Sooo let’s talk about this. Deep sigh. I’m just going to be honest. It works. The issue with this is that when a guy hears “I only date women” somehow that translates to “I want to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend. So there’s going to be some back and forth to convince him. Be prepared. Eventually, they run out of rebuttals and have to accept the fact that you prefer kitty cat.
5.) The truth.
I don’t understand why most people steer away from the truth. Well, I do understand. Nobody wants to be the bad person. So, telling someone they are not attractive or you are still in love with your ex is not necessarily the best idea. However, I have stopped providing the reasoning behind my “no thank you”. I do not owe a stranger on the street an explanation on why I don’t want to give them my number. Of course, a follow up question is always “why” and my response is “I’m not interested”. And that should be enough.
Male or female, you are allowed to have your own preferences. You are allowed to NOT be attracted to someone, and should not have to explain yourself. However, there is also no need to be rude to anyone who is simply trying to express his or her interest in you. So my advice is, find a middle ground somewhere between disrespectful AF, and leading someone on. You will be fine.